Interview avec Madame Grand Doigt

-Fiction-

MHé: Bonjour Madame! Comment ca va?

MGD: Whatever. Look, don't try to humor Madame Grand Doigt by using your pathetic, limited knowledge of French.

MHé: Sure, whatever. You recently divorced Jolly St. Nick and one of your grievances was that he was too soft on the bad kids. Madame, Santa did keep a list of who was naughty and who was nice - kids didn't receive gifts on Christmas if they were bad.

MDG: Give me a [expletive] break, man. The little heathens played that fat [expletive] for the stupid [expletive] that he is. They acted nice for one month and then said [expletive] it, now we got our toys and we'll act up. And here Madame Grand Doigt comes, suppose to bring gifts on New Year's Day, knowing damn well what the little brats were doing. Madame Grand Doigt hated it, man. Like back in the day, kids stayed good all [expletive] year because they knew, they knew MGD would take them down. You feel Madame Grand Doigt? They were scared, man. And the really pathetic thing is that Santa knew that crap. Yeah, sure, he watched them all year and he knew what was up. But he always forgave them if they behaved one [expletive] month. That's weak, man, weak.

MHé: You used to bring healthy things for the kids, like apples and oranges. What made you switch to cheap, little toys and candy?

MGD: Man, look, it's like everything. Madame Grand Doigt brought good, healthy stuff for the good kids and took care of the brats - made sure that kids would grow up strong and good. But that all changed. Ol' jolly stupid [expletive] had to change that for me. Happy, happy, happy - blah, blah, blah. Kids got spoiled, lazy and whiny. Damn, it burns Madame up just thinking about that. But that's ok. Madame is back in town, baby, and things are gonna change.

MHé: Madame, what did happen to those bad kids that were never found again?

MGD: hehehehee.

MHé: What's so funny? Where did those kids go?

MGD: hehehehehe.

MHé: You're starting to freak me out.

MGD: Well, let me put it to you this way, back in the day Madame Grand Doigt was never hungry! What's the matter? Where you going? You scared, neg? You better be! Run home, neg, run home to your Mouman! Tell everyone that Madame Grand Doigt is back and she don't give a [expletive]!

Madame Grand Doigt divorces Santa Claus

Madame Grand Doigt announced her divorce from Santa Claus Monday afternoon at the Evangeline Parish Courthouse. Waving triumphantly to the people gathered outside the courthouse, she exclaimed that she was finally free.

"I had enough of all that crap," she said. "I was tired of being a goody-two shoes, always bringing gifts, even for those little brats who deserved a beating instead - I used to be respected." Madame Grand Doigt said she will resume her previous role as a deterrent to kids "acting up." No more will children expect to receive gifts on New Year's Day no matter how bad they behaved after Christmas. Now they will face what their grandparents faced, the possibility of their Christmas gifts taken away and even possible harm to their lives.

Madame Grand Doigt was once feared in certain parts of south Louisiana. She took Christmas gifts away from children that misbehaved after Christmas. Some children mysteriously disappeared and were never found again. That fear, however, was replaced with joy when she married Santa Claus in approximately 1935. There was a new attitude and everyone received gifts on New Year's Day.

Her name changed to Mrs. Santa Claus and her style changed to red dresses - she had previously worn dirty, old brown rags. She also learned English and had stopped speaking French, except in instances where she was upset with Santa Claus - French was heard by all. "Man, she tore the big guy up," said an elf speaking on anonymity. "She cussed in French, threw pots at him, and even tried to kill one of the deer one night for... I believe she said she wanted to cook a sauce or something like that."

A tearful Santa Claus refused to discuss the matter in great detail. He did say that he tried to make her happy but they had different philosophies. "She was always disagreeing with me, calling me names and putting me down - I don't even know what a 'grow bet fee pew tan' is - she called me that quite often."

Santa Claus did say that Christmas will go on and he's currently looking for a new Mrs. Santa Claus.

the T-Cultural Center war

The Prairie Acadian Cultural Center opened its doors this weekend in Ville Platte, Louisiana. Many local people and tourists flooded the center to see the history of the prairie Acadians. Historic artifacts (brought from everyone’s Maw Maw and Paw Paw’s house) were on display along with genealogical documents, interactive displays, maps, photographs, and much more. People brought their ice chests and checked out the exhibits.

The Prairie Creole-Cajun Cultural Center also opened its doors this weekend in Ville Platte. There was confusion for many because the Center was built by some white guy named Michael Hébert for the Creole and Cajun history of the area. He stood at the door, welcomed everyone in, and seemed to be the only white person that attended the grand opening. He showed everyone historic documents, family tree information, and much more. His museum, built from powerball winnings, had awesome displays of French, Canadian, African, Spanish, Acadian, German, Irish, Native American, etc history for the area. People brought their ice chests and checked out the exhibits.

Things became bizarre after young Hébert finished off several alcoholic beverages. He became disgruntled and mumbled under his breath strange words sounding like bete merde, etc, etc. He tried to get everyone to follow him but everyone stood and looked at him as if he were out of his mind. He seemed to have lost it and that became official when he marched over to the Prairie Acadian Cultural Center and attempted to confiscate its artifacts, shouting in a barely comprehensible manner that he was taking back what was stolen from the prairie Creole-Cajuns. He was promptly arrested and brought to the Ville Platte city jail. Many were shocked at this strange behavior; however, many were amused and afterwards claimed that they greatly enjoyed it. A local scholar from Easton enjoyed it so much that he fell out of his chair laughing.


Nonficton:

Prairie Acadian Cultural Center

http://www.nps.gov/jela/

Fiction – the Acadian Parish of Evangeline

Visit the Acadian culture of southern Evangeline! Learn how the exiled Acadians settled this area and developed the wonderful Cajun culture we have today. Learn how the Fontenots, Vidrines, Soileaus, Ardoins, Lafleurs, De Villes, Manuels, Berzas, Brignacs, Lemoines, Guillorys, and all the other Acadians came and made Evangeline such a wonderful place. Learn too about the other French, the Creoles, who came in small numbers but yet have an interesting story too. The Pitres, Aucoins, and Prejeans, for example, came from Fort Toulouse in, believe it or not, Alabama! They were soldiers fighting the British! Wow, isn’t that cool! They came and intermarried with the large Acadian group; they married the Acadian Fontenots, Soileaus, etc and adopted their Acadian ways. Cajuns were born from the original Acadian culture! Thank a Fontenot today!

Huh!!!

What does Cajun mean again??


Carl A. Brasseaux's definition