-Fiction-
MHé: Bonjour Madame! Comment ca va?
MGD: Whatever. Look, don't try to humor Madame Grand Doigt by using your pathetic, limited knowledge of French.
MHé: Sure, whatever. You recently divorced Jolly St. Nick and one of your grievances was that he was too soft on the bad kids. Madame, Santa did keep a list of who was naughty and who was nice - kids didn't receive gifts on Christmas if they were bad.
MDG: Give me a [expletive] break, man. The little heathens played that fat [expletive] for the stupid [expletive] that he is. They acted nice for one month and then said [expletive] it, now we got our toys and we'll act up. And here Madame Grand Doigt comes, suppose to bring gifts on New Year's Day, knowing damn well what the little brats were doing. Madame Grand Doigt hated it, man. Like back in the day, kids stayed good all [expletive] year because they knew, they knew MGD would take them down. You feel Madame Grand Doigt? They were scared, man. And the really pathetic thing is that Santa knew that crap. Yeah, sure, he watched them all year and he knew what was up. But he always forgave them if they behaved one [expletive] month. That's weak, man, weak.
MHé: You used to bring healthy things for the kids, like apples and oranges. What made you switch to cheap, little toys and candy?
MGD: Man, look, it's like everything. Madame Grand Doigt brought good, healthy stuff for the good kids and took care of the brats - made sure that kids would grow up strong and good. But that all changed. Ol' jolly stupid [expletive] had to change that for me. Happy, happy, happy - blah, blah, blah. Kids got spoiled, lazy and whiny. Damn, it burns Madame up just thinking about that. But that's ok. Madame is back in town, baby, and things are gonna change.
MHé: Madame, what did happen to those bad kids that were never found again?
MGD: hehehehee.
MHé: What's so funny? Where did those kids go?
MGD: hehehehehe.
MHé: You're starting to freak me out.
MGD: Well, let me put it to you this way, back in the day Madame Grand Doigt was never hungry! What's the matter? Where you going? You scared, neg? You better be! Run home, neg, run home to your Mouman! Tell everyone that Madame Grand Doigt is back and she don't give a [expletive]!